


Is That A Banana?

by seekergeek



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angsty Schmoop, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-28
Updated: 2012-04-28
Packaged: 2017-11-04 11:08:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/393153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seekergeek/pseuds/seekergeek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Surreptitiously, Rodney flexed the muscles in his right asscheek. Yep. Still there. "Uh, Colonel?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Is That A Banana?

**Author's Note:**

> This has quite possibly the worst title in the history of ever. I don't know what the hell I was thinking. *facepalm*

Surreptitiously, Rodney flexed the muscles in his right asscheek. Yep. Still there. "Uh, Colonel?"

Sheppard's gusty sigh blew hot air right into Rodney's ear. "I know Rodney. I'd move if I could--but do you really think that's such a good idea right now?"

"You have an erection pressed up against my asscheek, Colonel!" Rodney hissed. "There are irradiated Genii soldiers whose dicks will probably rot and fall off in the next few years looking to kill us and You. Have. An. Erection. What kind of freaky pervert are you, anyway? Don't tell me you get off on people trying to kill you!"

"Jesus, Rodney, no!" Sheppard protested. Rodney's ear felt the heat pour off of John's face as he blushed fiercely. Again. "Just shut up and ignore it and it will go down in a minute. Jeez!"

"You said that four minutes ago and guess what? It's still there!" Rodney complained, flexing his right glute again. Yeah, no change there. "Really, is it the adrenaline surge from being near death or what?"

John huffed into Rodney's ear again and he whined, "No, damn it, and if you'd just stop wiggling..."

"I am not wiggling!" Rodney replied vehemently. Even though he was, a bit. What could he say? It had been a long time, and if he could get a surreptitious feel of the genitalia of one of the hottest people in the expedition, he'd do it. His masturbation fantasies had been getting a little lack-luster lately. Being cut off from a regular supply of porn did that to a guy. "Also, not a girl! That alone should make Mr. Happy there wilt with disinterest. Or have you been running low on bimbos lately?"

John growled low into Rodney's ear. Rodney sternly told his own dick to shut up about how sexy that sounded. "I swear to God, Rodney! If I could move my damned hands I'd slap you upside the head right now! I am not some kind of fucking Cassanova!"

Rodney gave a snort of derisive laughter which caused his ass to rub against John's boner. It was really quite hard and impressive feeling. "Right, Colonel. And the Wraith have decided to give up eating people and drink milkshakes instead."

John's forehead thunked against the side of Rodney's head and he felt John's breath go down his collar in a soft sigh. After several beats of silence from John, Rodney started getting antsy. "Colonel?" Sheppard didn't answer him and Rodney would have started panicking then, but since John's breaths still blew past his collar he knew that John was alive. He then noticed with disappointment that the warm and wonderful cock that had been burrowing into his asscheek was softening. "Colonel?"

"What?" John replied with tired annoyance, not moving his head. Rodney felt his lips brushing lightly against his neck. It felt amazing and he wished that someone would do that to him on a regular basis.

Rodney hesitated, but finally said,"What's wrong?" It wasn't like John to just stop arguing with him like that.

"Nothing," John said in a flat tone. Rodney flexed his right glute again. John's cock lay soft and disinterested against it. And the rest of John's body felt tense in a way it hadn't before. Rodney closed his eyes. He could picture the expression on John's face that went with this body posture and it wasn't good.

"Was it something I said?" Rodney asked uncertainly. He'd thought they'd just been snarking at each other as usual, but it now occurred to him that he may have stepped over a line that he hadn't intended.

Instead of answering John wriggled away from him and out of the hidey hole they'd jammed themselves into. "Colonel?" Rodney said, alarmed. The place was crawling with Genii, what the hell did he think he was doing?

"We are getting out of here and getting to the damn gate," John said stiffly as he grabbed Rodney by the ankles and hauled him out of their hiding place.

Rodney sat up, and stared at John incredulously. "There are a zillion Genii out there baying for our blood! They'll be looking for us, we can't leave now!"

John straightened his tac vest and reloaded his P-90 with sharp angry movements, refusing to look at Rodney. "There were only twenty McKay, and they've moved past us. If we move fast, we can get get home before they realize what we did and double back." He kicked Rodney in the boot. "Now, get up and get going!"

Everything about John screamed pissed and unhappy, so Rodney clambered to his feet silently and followed with trepidation. As Rodney had expected, there were many more instances of screaming, shooting and running before they actually got to the gate, but finally they made it and landed back in Atlantis, just in time to call off the rescue party Ronon and Teyla had rustled up.

Sheppard tensely slouched his way through the debriefing and then stalked out of the room while Teyla, Ronon and Elizabeth gave Rodney what-the-hell-did-you-do-now looks. Rodney returned a hell-if-I-know look at them all and excused himself. He had to fix this.

After some amount of time spent thinking the whole thing over, Rodney tracked down John. He sat at the end of the eastern pier, staring at the burgeoning darkness of night descending onto the water. Rodney came up behind him and cleared his throat. "Colonel? I've been thinking."

"Big surprise there," John muttered darkly, stubbornly refusing to turn and look at Rodney while he spoke to John.

Rodney shifted uncomfortably on his feet. "Yes, well. Anyway...I'm thinking...bimbos aren't actually your type."

"Nope." John replied. He still didn't turn around and Rodney quailed for a moment, but pulled himself together.

"Right. And...you're not Cassanova. That's not your style. Or Kirk, really. You're...you're not like that." Rodney saw John's shoulders loosen up and he came over and sat next to John on the pier.

John looked over at him warily. "No, I'm not."

"But maybe...you might possibly...be interested in me?" Rodney asked shyly. If he was wrong he was in for one hell of a whallop on the head, but that's what the data suggested, so that was the hypothesis he went with. Never let it be said that Rodney wasn't one to stick his neck out if the numbers suggested he was right. He reached over and laid a hand on John's thigh.

John's face cleared of storm clouds and his slow smile light up the night. "Took you long enough to figure out. And you call yourself a genius."

"Yes, well, I just realized that I was looking at the wrong set of data points." Rodney replied apologetically, squeezing John's thigh lightly. "I won't make that mistake again."

John laughed and leaned against Rodney. "You better not," he murmured. Then he kissed him.


End file.
